Life After Suboxone
Life after suboxone:
This has been a long overdue post. It’s been over 2 1/2+ years for me that I have been off of suboxone…. Big deal right? The thing is that those 2 1/2+ years that I was on it, it totally changed my life. I got all my shit back in order, didn’t have to stress about “I am down to 10 vicodins or X amount of oxycontins before I run out (which when I was that low, I was counting down minutes to Zero Hour)..better start making those calls now to get more and I hope someone comes thru”.
The financial factor that was involved took a big toll. I was lucky when it came to the financial factor for most (not all) of the time I was on the pills. I had an inside line with the inventory manager of a pharmacy. Though I was charged (on the side…sometimes)…if I didn’t pay up, my annoying phone calls and personality or pleading always got me my way. By the time my bill got really up there, it would be my birthday, or Christmas or what ever and I was always given a pass (yes it was a friend of mine who at the time felt that maybe he/she was to blame for getting me in that deep or adding to the problem).
Well that wasn’t such a positive start to my post. Focusing in on the bottom line. If you’re on suboxone, from my experience and 1000’s of e-mails I have recieved (not being arrogant on the “1,000’s of e-mails, just letting you know I read everyone and get my opinion that I voice here from them and my personal views), you are on it cause you want to be on it. It is natural to be afraid of the great unknown, of the life without “feeling normal”… The feeling normal is how WE, with this problem see it.
The biggest thing you have to keep in mind is take your time if you are on it. I was nervous about getting off it for all of the following reasons: (even though I knew 99.9% that I was ready to get off it, that .1% factor freaked me the FUCK out!).
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Am I really ready?
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Am I going to go thru 3-4 months of NO emotion, NO drive,…or just the feeling of “NOTHING” which will cause me to…..using more of a pharmaceutical term “re-evaluate my discontinuation syndrome”.
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Will I be happy again?
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Am I going to withdrawal from all the activities that are now back in my life.
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Question: “Why f**k with something if it isn’t broken? I’m great, I feel great, I’m (technically) healthy and functioning physically at 100%…my personality is great, all my friends and family like me again… IS IT WORTH IT, WORTH throwing away all of these positive influences and lifestyles that I have now re-gained”?
If you’re reading this, you don’t have to comment on alot, but do me a favor… Let me know what you have questioned or are questioning. (I don’t put up any ads on this site, I don’t make money off of this site cause this site is personal to me and to you… I’m swamped running my own deal… I have never asked for anything before, but let me know what’s on your mind or what you have questioned both before and if after).
To cover right off the bat, what I am sure you are wondering:
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It took me a good 3-4 months to feel truly myself again.
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NO, I DIDN’T FEEL LIKE SHIT THE WHOLE TIME and I am NOT saying I went thru 3-4 months of withdrawals. Just takes time TO BE NORMAL AGAIN . Keep in mind, your brain has to heal, has to get rebalanced and so on.
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It did take me about 1 month to get over the withdrawals. (In my suboxone 101 post, I said I started seeing the light at day like 12 or so (plus tack on 3 days of feeling no withdrawals cause of the half life so really it was day 15)… Seeing the light and living in a constant state of shit was 2 completely seperate things and any improvement was a good one). Again, bottom line and really looking back on it with clearity, it was day 25 before I could think clearly without straining myself.
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After 3 months I would catch myself in a state of “wonder” as I realized I laughing at shit…simple jokes, old stories etc… I was working again (I have my own businesses, which took A HUGE hit during this down time), I was being creative again, I was wanting to “DO THINGS AGAIN, with passion and with drive”.
The biggest thing I have noticed looking back on this time of just being free. I am, and I can say this with 100% certaintity and with the past 2 1/2+ years under my belt…just not interested in anything to do with opiates. I have hurt myself (since I ride / drive off-road and just do stupid shit at times) and tylenol is the just of my pain relief. I had a route cannal done…doctor offered me vicodin…(new dentist) “thanks but I am allergic to them”. My girlfriend has had vicodin in the house; she has always backed me and been there for me 1000%, but has seemed to forget about my past, cause that is what it is to me, my past. I have not…sense I have gotten my life back on track looked at opiates or opiate medications any different than I look at a vitamin pack. I only write about it now cause I look back on it in retrospect. I still have probably (cause I have not counted them) 20 or 30 8mg suboxone in the house… I have found them on accident 3 times over the past few years (my girlfriend hid them on like d-day minus 7 and distributed them out to me so I would fuck up my last days before I jumped off them)… Why don’t I just toss them? Cause again, I just don’t think about it, or you know…maybe I do…and it just makes me stronger cause I know I just don’t give a shit about them.
In the end… There is life after suboxone or really the opiate addiction. Suboxone is just a great tool to “pause” the situation at hand. The problem is…it is that easy to just hit pause and keep it at that state. I don’t knock anyone who takes suboxone long term…in the end you feel the same…normal…. For me though, I am the master of my own life and that is how I am going to keep it.
Please, if you are questioning anything….before you jump…after you have jumped….or if you are going thru this whole phase of getting better…. Post your thoughts, your questions that you ask yourself; I can’t keep up with the e-mails and ALL of you who post on this site are doing a great thing for someone else. You are giving others hope.
Brian SuboxoneTaper.com
Comments (33)
Sebastian,
Thanks for the post. I’ve been on Bupe for just under 2yrs and am about to enter “Day 1″ off of it. I’m at 2-4mg/day, and will take the next week at 1mg/day before starting. I was curious if there were any reasons why NOT to take xanax for the first two weeks if you have access to it, so I’m stoked to hear that it helped you. I’m approaching it the same way you did…
Thanks again, sooooo excited to get past this f’ing monster. Congrats on your 30 days and good luck!
I was recently discharghed from a 3 day detox of having been on 3 60mg oxcycontin and 3-4 30mg oxycodone daily. I was discharged with 10 8 mg suboxone. I was taking 1/2 under the tongue 4x daily the first two days and I cut myself down to 1/2 twice daily for three days until they were gone.
That was 4 days ago. Did I ween myself off too soon? I have some anxiety and perhaps some other symptoms. It has been two weeks since my last dose of opiate and 4 days since my last sub anything. Should I go back to the suboxone for a while?
Sorry, ran off the page, Basically Iam a 52 year old Grandma, I have been on somany sites trying to get some help! I dont want to go back to that lifestyle,ever, ever again. I want to do the right thing! Sorry soooo long” Susie
Hi! Brian, Kinda new to these sites, So forgive me for reading old stuff. But this Blog is good for me! Becauase, I have people saying GET OFF OF IT!!!!! But Bry,For the first time since I was in grade School, I feel normal again! I want to shout it from the roof tops!!! I have been on them for 2 yrs. Which means Ive been SOBERRRRR! And I feel great,But my problem is, is that, the program Iam in,”Says They Are Not A Maintence Program, So then I say, “Can U find me A Meggellen Doctor, That takes Megellen,Cause I have no insurence. Well they say None right now, But U can call around, If I want To.
what is the shortest amount of time you can be on suboxone? I am starting Tuesday…does it have to be a year like i am hearing? Is it possible in a few months to get off it?
Thanks for your time
Ive been on suboxone for over a month now, today i took my first 1.5mg dose after being on 2mgs for 2 weeks and 4mgs for 2 weeks prior to that.. Before suboxone i was on street methadone for 2 years then went to MMT for 3 moths where i tapered from 30mgs-10mgs in 2 months with no w/ds. The only problem i have with completly stoping is my job. I do not have any sick days or vacation left this year as i used it to get high on methadone and my last experiance with stopping methadone cold turky was hellish, didnt sleep for 6 days straight before giving in cuz i had to go back to work. Now that 2010 is a week away ill have 3 weeks of vacatin time and some sick time as well. I can take 15days off max at once and im scared that it wont be enough. I plan on tapering to .5mg before my 15days off work and taking my last dose 3-4 days before my vacation starts. Im 21 and i do mechanical maintenence on a high rise building. I cannot afford going to work after not sleeping for a few days as i could end up hurting myself badly or fucking up big time and getting fired. If i had a month off to myself i wouldnt even think twice about detoxing. Now what can i do to be back at work after those 15-20 days off subs feeelin fine or atleast being able to sleep. If i fail…i cannot even imagine, i mean ill have to wait another few months to try again and if it doesnt work ill be back waiting for 2011 for alotted vacation. I was thinking if i ended up hurting myself at work i could get few months medical leave, i get sick thoughts like smashing my finger with a hammer or just sticking it under a belt driven motor….it could work.
I was on Suboxone for 4 years, I spent the last of said four years slowly tapering from 14mg to 2mg, which is the dose I jumped from…thirty days ago today (23rd Decemer 09).
It took 8-9 days to feel my first sensations of normality and to feel genuine bursts of happiness/endorphins. Even though I was restless, irritable and heavily fatigued I forced myself to exercise. I ran short sprints, and often. Skipping rope, running on treadmill, cycling, stretching and lifting weights in repeated 10 minute sessions helped reboot my endorphin production and after every exercise bout I would flop down exhausted, and laughing because I felt so naturally high! Just like opiates feel. I spent approximately 1.5 hours a day total exercising during the worst of the detox (Days 4-8 especially).
Xanax, Temazepam, Valium and Seroquel got me through the hardest stage and allowed me to sleep every second night. Even whilst doped up on all these 4 drugs at the same time, my insomnia was still bad and normally 4mg of Xanax in one go knocks me out. The insomnia, anxiety and deep unease/restlessness is what makes kicking bupe so hard, and I would’ve found it intolerable were it not for the benzo’s and Seroquel.
One month later and I’ve popped no pills bar my daily Lexapro and occasional Ibuprofen. No benzo’s in the past two weeks and now my mind has a clarity that I do not remember ever having. Sure I sometimes get very restless and often feel profoundly bored but I just get on my bicycle and ride until I feel better.
I have no cravings for opiates or Suboxone and I feel so alive it is amazing. I believe most of the withdrawal is psychological and find it hard to believe Suboxone detox can last longer than two weeks, unless that person is NOT exercising and just laying there agonizing about detoxing. The trick is to occupy yourself and have a friend/family member stay with you throughout the detox who can give symptomatic meds and support.
All the best to you who want to be free of Suboxone, you CAN do it…believe in yourselves and overcome THAT fear.
After doing research i found suboxzonetalkzone a huge lift to my spirit.I think I will send for his tapes on knowing when your ready ,getting prepared and his advise to keep the withdrl to a minimum.I recommend listening to his u tube talks, as Brian posted.Thanks again brian ! I have found that there are some not so scarry stories out there.Since my posts have been so emotionaly different from day to day , Tells me to get more informed and just dont jump off without the rite prep work.The good news is ,I found lots of not so bad stories out there and the one thing they had in common was their slow and commited desire to stick to their tapering, even .5 mg every other day now thats admorable in my book.Either way I will continue to keep soaking up all the advise i can.Maybee I can save all the money I was thinking of spending on the rapid drug detox.Christmas shopping all day wasent so bad. There was a time four years ago when I was taking pills that I could not even get out of the house to shop for my two children,I would give money to my sister to do that stuff so Im not what I want to be but I,M NOT WHO I USED TO BE.Suboxone is not the devil .