Life After Suboxone
Life after suboxone:
This has been a long overdue post. It's been over 2 1/2+ years for me that I have been off of suboxone.... Big deal right? The thing is that those 2 1/2+ years that I was on it, it totally changed my life. I got all my shit back in order, didn't have to stress about "I am down to 10 vicodins or X amount of oxycontins before I run out (which when I was that low, I was counting down minutes to Zero Hour)..better start making those calls now to get more and I hope someone comes thru".
The financial factor that was involved took a big toll. I was lucky when it came to the financial factor for most (not all) of the time I was on the pills. I had an inside line with the inventory manager of a pharmacy. Though I was charged (on the side...sometimes)...if I didn't pay up, my annoying phone calls and personality or pleading always got me my way. By the time my bill got really up there, it would be my birthday, or Christmas or what ever and I was always given a pass (yes it was a friend of mine who at the time felt that maybe he/she was to blame for getting me in that deep or adding to the problem).
Well that wasn't such a positive start to my post. Focusing in on the bottom line. If you're on suboxone, from my experience and 1000's of e-mails I have recieved (not being arrogant on the "1,000's of e-mails, just letting you know I read everyone and get my opinion that I voice here from them and my personal views), you are on it cause you want to be on it. It is natural to be afraid of the great unknown, of the life without "feeling normal"... The feeling normal is how WE, with this problem see it.
The biggest thing you have to keep in mind is take your time if you are on it. I was nervous about getting off it for all of the following reasons: (even though I knew 99.9% that I was ready to get off it, that .1% factor freaked me the FUCK out!).
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Am I really ready?
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Am I going to go thru 3-4 months of NO emotion, NO drive,...or just the feeling of "NOTHING" which will cause me to.....using more of a pharmaceutical term "re-evaluate my discontinuation syndrome".
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Will I be happy again?
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Am I going to withdrawal from all the activities that are now back in my life.
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Question: "Why f**k with something if it isn't broken? I'm great, I feel great, I'm (technically) healthy and functioning physically at 100%...my personality is great, all my friends and family like me again... IS IT WORTH IT, WORTH throwing away all of these positive influences and lifestyles that I have now re-gained"?
If you're reading this, you don't have to comment on alot, but do me a favor... Let me know what you have questioned or are questioning. (I don't put up any ads on this site, I don't make money off of this site cause this site is personal to me and to you... I'm swamped running my own deal... I have never asked for anything before, but let me know what's on your mind or what you have questioned both before and if after).
To cover right off the bat, what I am sure you are wondering:
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It took me a good 3-4 months to feel truly myself again.
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NO, I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE SHIT THE WHOLE TIME and I am NOT saying I went thru 3-4 months of withdrawals. Just takes time TO BE NORMAL AGAIN . Keep in mind, your brain has to heal, has to get rebalanced and so on.
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It did take me about 1 month to get over the withdrawals. (In my suboxone 101 post, I said I started seeing the light at day like 12 or so (plus tack on 3 days of feeling no withdrawals cause of the half life so really it was day 15)... Seeing the light and living in a constant state of shit was 2 completely seperate things and any improvement was a good one). Again, bottom line and really looking back on it with clearity, it was day 25 before I could think clearly without straining myself.
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After 3 months I would catch myself in a state of "wonder" as I realized I laughing at shit...simple jokes, old stories etc... I was working again (I have my own businesses, which took A HUGE hit during this down time), I was being creative again, I was wanting to "DO THINGS AGAIN, with passion and with drive".
The biggest thing I have noticed looking back on this time of just being free. I am, and I can say this with 100% certaintity and with the past 2 1/2+ years under my belt...just not interested in anything to do with opiates. I have hurt myself (since I ride / drive off-road and just do stupid shit at times) and tylenol is the just of my pain relief. I had a route cannal done...doctor offered me vicodin...(new dentist) "thanks but I am allergic to them". My girlfriend has had vicodin in the house; she has always backed me and been there for me 1000%, but has seemed to forget about my past, cause that is what it is to me, my past. I have not...sense I have gotten my life back on track looked at opiates or opiate medications any different than I look at a vitamin pack. I only write about it now cause I look back on it in retrospect. I still have probably (cause I have not counted them) 20 or 30 8mg suboxone in the house... I have found them on accident 3 times over the past few years (my girlfriend hid them on like d-day minus 7 and distributed them out to me so I would fuck up my last days before I jumped off them)... Why don't I just toss them? Cause again, I just don't think about it, or you know...maybe I do...and it just makes me stronger cause I know I just don't give a shit about them.
In the end... There is life after suboxone or really the opiate addiction. Suboxone is just a great tool to "pause" the situation at hand. The problem is...it is that easy to just hit pause and keep it at that state. I don't knock anyone who takes suboxone long term...in the end you feel the same...normal.... For me though, I am the master of my own life and that is how I am going to keep it.
Please, if you are questioning anything....before you jump...after you have jumped....or if you are going thru this whole phase of getting better.... Post your thoughts, your questions that you ask yourself; I can't keep up with the e-mails and ALL of you who post on this site are doing a great thing for someone else. You are giving others hope.
Brian SuboxoneTaper.com
Tags: After Suboxone, After Suboxone Withdrawal, Suboxone Facts, Suboxone Taper
Comments (57)
I have been taking suboxone regularly for 7 days now in order to get off of oxycodone. I am at 1 mg a day and want to jump off by day 10(which is 2 more days of taking 1mg. Will I have any withdrawals?
The million dollar question- will I ever get off suboxone? That question plagued my mind every day. I was a slave to heroin, then I became a slave to suboxone. I would like to share my experience, and offer some hope to others who have the same issue. I was a heavy heroin user for 10 years. A few years back I had been on suboxone a couple times, but always went back to the dope. My parents sent me to rehab 3 times, but I always relapsed. Last November, I decided that I had enough. I wanted to reclaim my life once & for all–my way (no treatment centers & rehabs). I found a doctor who put me on 8mg 3 times a day– I felt great. The 1st month was a little rough– not because I was sick, I just needed to get over the fact that I wasn’t using needles anymore– but, I was so grateful to be feeling good that I didn’t really give a shit. I have been off suboxone for 3 weeks now– I am FREE. Each passing day, my energy is being restored a little at a time. I have never felt such a sense of success and accomplishment in my whole life– I NEVER thought that I’d ever be off suboxone– and now I am. My personal advice– take your time, but set a goal. I tapered so slowly– I dropped my dose by .25mg on schedule every 4 weeks (actually, I got off before I was supposed to). When I got down to2mg a day, I noticed that I would feel a little tired, restless and anxious the 1st 3 days or so, then I’d be okay– nothing terrible. Then after a month, I decided to jump off– big mistake. I thought I was okay– until the 3rd day– fuck my life– my legs wouldn’t stop, my stomach cramps killed me and I was exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I gave in and took 2mg of suboxone and I felt better. Then my mind got the better of me, thoughts of “will I have to be on this for the rest of my life?” were making me crazy. I didn’t want to rely on a substance to make me function– I began to panic. Then I decided that I would taper more slowly– 2 mg was too high a dose for me to stop suboxone, so I continued my taper as I had planned. I finally got down to .25mg daily (I was basically putting a dust particle under my tounge (trying to split a 1/4 of a 2mg pill in half isn’t easy). Finally– 3 weeks ago I decided to stop and I have never looked back. The first week was a little rough– but not nearly as bad as any detox that I had ever suffered. I was tired, a little restless at night (but I was able to sleep most of the night– what a miracle). Xanax helped, I only used 25 mg on the more restless nights (I used a total of 3 xanax the 1st week, and none after that. Anyway, the 1st week I felt a little crampy in my stomach and wasn’t too hungry, and I was tired– but it wasn’t that bad– I just kept telling myself that these were typical cold symptoms with a side of anxiety and that it would be over soon. I felt that I had come this far, and if I took suboxone I would just be starting over & prolonging the inevitable. I stayed as positive as my head would allow me, and took it a day at a time. Each day that I was suboxone free I would write “CLEAN” on my calandar proudly– it was like a little reward system. It felt good to see an accumulation of sevral “CLEAN” days (I never thought I’d ever have a single day without suboxone) I’m so grateful for suboxone because it allowed me to put the pieces of my life back together– I was learning to live “normally” again, so it served it’s purpose. But, I didn’t want to be controlled by a substance anymore either, so I did what worked for me, and today I don’t need suboxone to function. My advice– take your time, set a goal, and do your best to follow it. Your mind is very powerful, if you look at the situation with the glass half full it helps. I stayed positive, and stuck to my plan– even if it meant stupid notes on my calander and buying myself something that I wanted for a long time as a reward each week that I was suboxone free, and learning to meditate. The meditation helped ALOT. I needed to quiet my mind and my body– it helped. Best of luck to everyone– If I could do it anyone can.
I appreciate you taking the time to share yer experience and really lay it out there. I have read way too many horror-story posts by ppl in their first week of WD’s (with no follow-up post later), and ppl regurgitating all kinds of stuff about PAWS after long-term sub use. Hearing yer story has made me feel more hopeful. I know tho that experiences will vary and I do expect to pay somehow.
As seems to be the usual case, my Doctor thinks it shouldn’t be too big deal to taper down to nothing in the span of a few weeks. (I wonder how much the mind has to do with our WD’s tho in how the WD experience is as good or bad as we expect it to be?) I made a half-ass attempt to taper off a few months ago, but had some difficulty (Waaah!) around 3mg and so decided to go back up to 6mg. The time just wasn’t right. I’ve even looked into Ibogaine, but it doesn’t seem to be so good for a long-acting opiate like Sub.
I have been on sub for 3 years and started off at 24mg. I have made the decision to make another go at tapering down. I’m at 5mg now and plan on taking it real slow.
Thanks for posting 2 1/2 years later to let us kno what it was like for you.
To the above question: It’s really up to you, what you are mentally ready for. If you are ready to let go of the crutch then jump off and get it over with. Once you get that low, you can’t wean much more. And once I’d gotten myself that low, I felt like I was in a low state of withdrawal all the time…I actually went back up because it was driving me nuts. I wasn’t mentally ready at that time to jump off. It’s up to you when you are ready for the jump…eventually you have to just do it. Only you know when that time is…but the longer you are on suboxone the harder it seems to be to get off for good.
Thanks for sharing the info. I wish I had read something like this before Idecided I was sick of being a slave to suboxone. I had no idea how long the detox was going to drag on for. Suboxone was helpful because it kept me off painkillers (OC was my drug of choice…when I could find it…otherwise any opiate I could find). But the problem was that almost 3 years later I was still on suboxone. I had tried to detox off it twice & both times I went back to a dr. scared. Finally, I was just one day tired of it. I had just left my suboxone drs appointment where he had unexpectedly raised the already pricey appointments. And with a full script, I just decided I was sick of being a slave to it. So for the next 7 days, I writhed around with a bottle of suboxone next to the bed. My boyfriend (still on suboxone) thought I was nuts. But having it there made me feel more confident. I could stop it when necessary. The thing is….I had NO idea it was going to take much longer than 7 days to get through withdraws. The doctors have no clue!!!! I’d say on day 11 I finally started seeing a some light. I could finally focus & had a few positive thoughts…like I can do this. Day 21 I finally drove myself to the library, all by myself, and got on some forums to figure out what the helll had happened. It was reassuring to know what I was experiencing was normal. If I had known what to expect it would have been easier. It’s now day 33. My energy has finally come back. And I can think straight…pretty much through it. Still feel heavy in the morning and skin sensitivity is still there. But I don’t have to wake up every morning & take suboxone to get out of bed. I don’t have to be scared because I can’t afford the pricey medication or the even more pricey dr appointments.
OMG! I asked (and am still asking) myself the same questions you did. After taking it for three years, I did a slow taper. I’m in day 5 and feel so tired. My legs bother me some and I have no appetite, but the worst thing is the fatigue and lethargy. I have to go back to work in three weeks and I’m a little scared because I have a job that requires energy and creativity, none of which I have now.
However, I don’t regret taking suboxone. I had lost my job, and was on the verge of losing my children. With the help of a 12-Step program (yes, I know…many 12 steppers from on this but it worked for me) and suboxone I got my life back and was able to become a functional memeber of society again.
I want 2get off just can’t get the sense of normalcy I need HELP cuz iam more than 32mg at times & I don’t want to but I just can’t seem to stop so if you can help with any words of wisdom!thanks
Hi, I need some good advice. Seems like I keep getting drastically different answers. I have been on Suboxone for a month started at 8mg. I have dropped every three days to a week a half a dose. I’m at .5mg. Day three my stomach bothered me but no biggie. I’m due for another drop Wednesday. Do I drop to .25? Or just jump off?